INTRODUCTION

"Is Rick making up more quotes from us?" --Xena
"I wish he'd just ask us what we want to say!" --Gabrielle
"Really. I mean, what does he know about being a warrior princess?" --Xena

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THE ABYSS

"Xena, help! They're basting me in barbecue sauce!" --Gabrielle, sidekick du jour
"By the gods! Everyone knows you taste better with Tabasco!" --Xena

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ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA

"Can I nail him to a cross, Xena? Can I? Huh, huh?" --Gabrielle, rubbing her hands together over Brutus' body
"Give it a rest, Gabrielle. The guy's dead!" --Xena, rolling her eyes
"Yeah, and I'm going to need years of reconstructive facial surgery!" --Gabrielle

"Gabrielle, I've never seen blood fly out of your mouth like that before!" --Xena, alarmed
"Compared to being crucified, ain't no big thing!" --Gabrielle, looking pretty gruesome

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ARGO AND GABRIELLE'S HORSE

"How come Argo's not listed in the opening credits?" --Gabrielle
"She's just a horse." --Xena
"'Just a horse?' I've saved your ass a few times, Miss Warrior Princess!" --Argo

"Gabrielle! You shrank Argo!" --Xena
"But just imagine how easy it'll be to mount her now!" --Gabrielle
"To Hades with Argo! I need a name over here!" --Gab's horse (from "Punch Lines")

"Who says I want the show to continue? I've been slaving away for six seasons, and do I even get a mention in the opening credits? Nooooo! Well, I'm tired of working my bushy tail off to make little Miss Warrior Princess look good! She gets a mansion while I live in a darn stable, fercrissakes! Cancel the damn thing, and good riddance! Let me sleep in and spend the afternoons frolicking in the fields!" --transcription of phone tap, allegedly the voice of Argo

"Xena, you're now on DVD." --Gabrielle, seeing the display at the market
"No, I'm on Argo." --Xena, looking down from her mount

"Shouldn't I have a name by now?" --Gabrielle's horse
"It took a few episodes before I even had a gender!" --Argo

"They're beating a dead horse." --Xena
"Neigh!!!" --Argo, looking alarmed
"Sorry, girl!" --Xena

"I've been through the desert on a horse with no name..." --Gabrielle singing

"Who do I have to attack to get a horse around here?" --Amarice

"Need any help with that memoir, Argo?" --The Bard of Potidaea
"I can write my own scrolls, thank you very much!" --Argo, peering over her reading glasses

"Argo!" --Xena
"Gesundheit!" --Gabrielle

"Hi, my name is Amber." --Gabrielle's new horse
"What a wuss name! Are you sure you're a male?" --Argo, looking skeptically at Amber's hindquarters
"My friends call me 'Rock'." --Amber, adopting a manly pose

"Take Back Xena!" --bumper sticker seen on Argo's hindquarters

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BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

"How many times is he gonna say that?" --Gabrielle
"He just loves our 'Groundhog Day' spoof." --Xena
"How many times is he gonna say that?" --Gabrielle
"OK, Gabrielle, I get the point." --Xena

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BEHIND THE SCENES

"I'll save you, Gabrielle! Yip-yip-yip-yip-YIP!" --Xena, as played by Roma Downey
"Cut! Ro, let's discuss the battle cry." --Director

"You're in TV Guide, Gabrielle? What's 'TV'?" --Xena
"You know those guys that always follow us around, how they have that box with an 'eye' in the end?..." --Gabrielle

"What 'show'? This is real life!" --Xena

"So, Gabrielle, how do you feel so far about the season six plots?" --Xena
"Well, I was nearly cooked and drowned, but I haven't actually been killed yet, so, yeah, I'm into it!" --Gabrielle

"Only one hundred fifty or so episode hours? It feels like at least six years." --Gabrielle
"They only see the highlights." --Xena
"So, like the time you and I were alone and--" --Gabrielle
"Nope--didn't see it!" --Xena

"Battle on, y'all!" --Xena, knee-deep in threatening kudzu
"Couldn't we have filmed in a better exotic locale than Georgia?" --Gabrielle

"Look, they're reviewing the episode we're in right now!" --Xena, pointing out of the TV tube
"Why can't they just leave us alone?! Why, why, why?!" --Gabrielle, pulling at her hair

"Xena, in this line of business, do you think we'll reach 40 years old?" --Gabrielle
"If we don't, who'll do the made-for-TV reunion movie?" --Xena

"Look, I'm battling on in a digital way!" --Xena on DVD
"Yes, you look sharper and more colorful than ever!" --Gabrielle

Xena's favorite line:
"You're a star, baby! Have some more money and marry me!" --Rob Tapert

"They originally wanted me to be a blonde, ya know." --Xena
"There's only room for one 'irritating blonde' on this show!" --Gabrielle

"Face it, Xena, we're gonna be on one more year." --Gabrielle
"I guess I'll buy a new chakram-sharpener. This one's shot." --Xena

"Walt, your Fantasyland is really cool, but it needs a warrior princess and her sidekick!" --a very young Rob Tapert
"If only we had some scrolls on which to base the characters...." --Walt Disney, at a planning meeting for Disneyland

Our favorite heroines relax in Disneyland:
"Eek! Xena! Get this mouse off me!" --Gabrielle, holding off Mickey Mouse
"Sure thing." --Xena, reaching for her chakram
(Next scene edited due to violent content)

"How come our show's not a half hour?" --Gabrielle
"We'd only be able to help half as many people!" --Xena

"How come we viewers all come up with different responses to the episodes?" --Rick
"Each time we perform the show, the script allows for areas of improvisation." --Lucy
"You mean they are all performed 'live?'" --Rick
"It provides job security during syndication." --Renee

"What's left to say after an episode like that?" --Gabrielle
"Say goodnight, Gabrielle." --Xena
"Goodnight, Gabrielle." --Gabrielle
"Goodnight, John-Boy." --Joxer

"How come they haven't made much fuss about my birthday?" --Xena, checking the One List postings
"Well, you just announced you're quitting the show after next year. They're probably pissed!" --Gabrielle

"Xena, we're not dead! Are you sure the season's really over?" --Gabrielle, inspecting herself carefully
"Looks like the crew's already left!" --Xena, shading her eyes and looking out into the empty sound stage

"Take that! And that, and that, and that!!!" --Gabrielle, standing atop a pile of twitching bodies
"Gabrielle, it's not nice to kill people." --Xena
"These are the network executives who cancelled our show!" --Gabrielle, wiping blood from her sais
"Leave some for me!" --Xena, reaching for her chakram

"Happy birthday, Xena!" --Gabrielle, throwing confetti and blowing a horn
"Just another day closer to cancellation, Gabrielle." --Xena, not in a mood to celebrate
"You've got to seize the moment. In our line of work, we might not live until tomorrow." --Gabrielle
"Yep, I'm in the mood to party now, Gabrielle." --Xena, looking heavenward

"Xena, are we dead yet?" --Gabrielle
"'Cancelled.' The word is 'cancelled,' Gabrielle." --Xena

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THE BITTER SUITE

"Does anyone have an image file for 'The Bitter Suite' soundtrack cover?" --Helen's e-mail request
"I spend all this time developing this great musical, and all she wants is the cover?" --Joe LoDuca
"Well, it does have a good picture of me throwing Gabrielle over a cliff." --Xena
"Hey, I thought we weren't going to mention that anymore!" --Gabrielle

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CHILDREN

"Gabrielle, you've given birth to a demon child of pure evil!" --Xena
"At least it's not a centaur!" --Gabrielle (from "Gabrielle's Hope")

"By the gods, I hate morning sickness...." --Xena, barfing
"Too bad you didn't have your pregnancy all in one show like me." --Gabrielle
"Yeah, well look how your kid turned out!" --Xena
"You realize I can kick your ass now, don't you?" --Gabrielle

"Zeus, Zeus, Zeus!!! I'm havin' a baby over here!" --Xena

"Hurry up, guys! I can't hold this baby in here forev--oops! Never mind!" --Lucy

"You realize we've given birth to two babies on this show now." --Gabrielle
"And we didn't need sex for either of them!" --Xena

"Nummy, nummy, nummy!" --Xena, shoving a spoonful of pureed asparagus in Eve's face
"Gaaa!" --Eve, knocking the spoon from Xena's hand
"Try the pureed ambrosia--I think she likes that!" --Gabrielle

"Xena, why do you get all the good babies and mine suck?" --Gabrielle
"Hey, who's 'Starring' here and who's 'Also Starring'?" --Xena

"Xena, prepare to DIE!" --Evil guest star of the week
"Hold on a sec'--I gotta change a diaper first." --Xena

"What a brat!" --Gabrielle, on meeting Livia
"She's no Hope, that's for sure!" --Xena
"Ooo--low blow there, Warrior Princess!" --Gabrielle

"Uncle! Uncle!" --Livia, feeling "The Pinch"
"No, Eve, I'm your mother." --Xena (in "Livia")

"How can anyone who likes me not like my lovely daughter?" --Xena
"Lets see--killed Joxer, killed zillions of innocent peasants, was purposely cruel, ruthless, and remorseless--" --Gabrielle
"But I'm good now!" --Eve, batting her big brown eyes
"It takes them awhile to catch up." --Callisto

"Mother, can I have a new outfit like Aunt Gabrielle?" --Eve
"Hey, you've got a horse already. Don't push it!" --Xena

"Eve! Fancy meeting you here!" --Hope
"I've been travelling off screen for several episodes. Where am I?" --Eve
"This is The Land of the Castoff Daughters!" --Hope

"I want to be sacrificed, and you can't stop me!" --Eve, stomping her feet on the floor
"That's my daughter!" --Xena, proudly

"Look, Xena, an Adrienne Wilkinson fan!" --Gabrielle
"How can you tell?" --Xena
"Somebody kill me, please! It's my choice!" --Cassandra, a fan
"Oh." --Xena

"Bye, you guys!" --Eve, hoisting a big bag on her shoulder
"Taking off again so soon?" --Xena
"The Elijans are waiting at the airport for these religious pamphlets." --Eve

"See ya, Mother, Auntie Gabrielle! I'm going to Chin on a whim with no preparation." --Eve
"You're grounded until you learn to stop endangering yourself, young lady!" --Xena

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COMING HOME

"Xena, you look so young for being 50!" --Gabrielle, in the "future"
"It's this Ambrosia Brand skin cream I use." --Xena

"Xena, how about showing me some of your battle tricks?" --Varia
"Well, if I wanted to kill you, I'd grab my chakram, and I'd--" --Xena, grabbing her chakram
"OK, OK--never mind!" -Varia, eyes wide with fear

"I've killed--no, wait! I forgot my line! Let me try that again" --Kevin Smith, as Ares
"Hurry up! Lucy's turning blue!" --director Mark Beesley, looking into the ice pool

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COMPUTERS

"Here, try fixing it with this." --Xena, watching Gabrielle repair their computer
"Xena, there are times when a chakram is not the best tool for the job." --Gabrielle

"Look at this screen saver!" --Gabrielle
"Are they in danger?" --Xena

"Look, Gabrielle, I get an error message when I go to the Whoosh! site." --Xena
"By the gods! How will I research my next scroll?!" --Gabrielle

"When you think about it, Xena, you're kind of the e-mail, and I'm kind of the file attachment!" --Gabrielle, philosopher
"So what does that make me?" --Joxer
"Spam?" --Xena

"Xena, this 'computer' of yours--it'll never work!" --Gabrielle
"Hey, I got the flying parchment up, didn't I?!" --Xena

"C'mon, Gabrielle, you know I don't keep up with contemporary electronics." --Xena
"Then that computer you built?" --Gabrielle
"Prop department." --Xena, grinning sheepishly

"Hey, Gabrielle, how do you spell 'definitely' again?" --Xena, consulting her spell-checker

"Joxer, what's a 'link'?" --Gabrielle, at her laptop
"All I know about 'links' is that I'm missing one." --Joxer

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CONTINUITY

"I still want to know where your other brother is, Xena." --Gabrielle
"Just another victim of continuity, Gabrielle." --Xena

"What's that moaning sound in the attic? It almost sounds human. Are those chains I hear?" --Gabrielle, at Xena's mom's house
"What older brother?--I mean, mice!" --Xena

"Xena, what century are we in?" --Gabrielle
"You've opened up a can of worms with that one, Gabrielle." --Xena

"Xena, you distinctly said in 'Ides of March' that you haven't read my scrolls, but this book mark shows you clearly reading one!" --Gabrielle
"I figured if I'm going to represent America's Libraries, I'd better bone up on some swell literature." --Xena
"Are you calling my literature fat?" --Gabrielle

"Those in charge of continuity have been sacked!" --Xena

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CROSSOVERS

"Scotty, I need more and funnier Xena quotes, and I need 'em now!" --Captain Kirk, on bridge
"But Captain, she canna take any more! The laughter convulsions are about to destroy hull integrity!" --Scotty, in engineering

"And the warrior princess disappeared until only her grin was left." --Alice's Adventures in the Xenaverse

The Xena cast in a musical tribute to the late great Joey Ramone (sung to "Pinhead"):
"Gabby, Gabby, We accept you, We accept you, One of us!" --Xena
"I don't wanna be a warlord no more, I just met a bard that I could go for!" --Draco
"D-U-M-B, Everyone's accusing me!" --Joxer

"Faster, Pussycat! Kill, kill, kill!" --Gabrielle
"Good one, Gabs!" --Dennis Miller

"Looks like there's another ass-kicking female I'll have to take down a notch or two!" --Xena, watching the "Dark Angel" premiere

"Buffy Summers? Just another irritating blond!" --Xena

"What makes for a bad Xena quote?" --Gabrielle
"Using characters from outside the Xenaverse, for one!" --Chelsea Clinton

"Xena, you're so, so...yellow!" --Gabrielle (in her scene cut from The Simpsons)

"What is Deimos the god of again? I always forget!" --Gabrielle
"I'll just look that up on my computer data base." --Willow
"Aren't you in the wrong show?" --Xena
"I help out where I can!" --Willow

"Go ahead, say something funny, Miss Warrior Princess." --Bill Maher
"You're such a man, Bill!" --Lucy

"Don't hate me because I have my own series now." --Tara
"I'm not too concerned." --Xena

"How come Tara can beat the tar out of Gabrielle and be given a hit show like 'Roswell', but I become Xena's friend and get stuck on 'Cleopatra 2525'? It's not fair! AIEEEE!!!!" --Cleo

"Look, danger!" --Amarice, the Amazon warrior
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" --Cleo, the exotic dancer

"Cleo and Jack?" --Gabrielle
"Amarice and Autolycus." --Xena
"Ohhh!" --Gabrielle

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DARKMAN II

"Gabrielle, what happened to your hair? It's all frizzy!" --Xena, seeing Gabrielle after her Darkman shoot
"You think this looks bad, you should see Darkman himself!" --Gabrielle, shuddering

"I've invented 'conditioner!' See how silky my hair is now!" --Eve, looking like a million dinars
"Pass that over here. I have terminal frizzies." --Gabrielle, just back from filming "Darkman II"

"Darkman II at 1 am, Xena: Warrior Princess at 2:35 am. What to do?" --Gabrielle
"Looks like we'll just have to use both VCR's tonight." --Xena

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A DAY IN THE LIFE

"Xena, did you have to hit that warrior with my Blooper Tape?" --Gabrielle, holding up a small black plastic box with loops of videotape falling from the cracks
"I like to improvise!" --Xena, grinning sheepishly
"I'll trade you my Blooper Tape for your chakram." --Minya

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THE DEBT

"I think you're over-accessorizing, Xena." --Gabrielle, to Xena in her big headstock

"Xena! Quit running around with that hairpin in your hand! You'll hurt somebody!" --Gabrielle

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THE EARLY YEARS

"Xena! I've caught you smoking again! Keep this up, young lady, and soon you'll be terrorizing the neighborhood with an army of evil warriors!" --Cyrene, during Xena's "terrible fourteens"
"Oh, mother!" --teen Xena, stubbing out her cigarette

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FAN CLUB DOCUMENTARY VIDEO

"So that's how we do that stuff!" --Gabrielle, watching the Behind-the-Scenes video
"Cut! Renee, let's discuss your motivation here." --Michael Hurst, director
"Let's discuss your motivation for wearing that dress!" --Gabrielle
"Have a yam!" --Michael, trying to change the conversation

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GABRIELLE

Lost scene from "Sins of the Past":
"I see you're new at this sidekick thing." --Xena
"What makes you say that?" --Gabrielle
"You're walking directly behind Argo." --Xena
"And what's wrong with...oh, never mind!" --Gabrielle, looking down

"Xena, I can't whack this warlord! My child-lock device is stuck!" --Gabrielle with staff
"For crying out loud, just hit him with it!" --Xena

"Why don't our fans get their own lives instead of watching ours?" --Xena
"If they have no adorable bard to record their adventures, what's the point?" --Gabrielle
"Hmm. Keen observation there, Gabrielle." --Xena, furrowing her brow

"Xena, help! My top has shrunk again!" --Gabrielle
"How much smaller can it get?" --Xena
"I can't even see it any more!" --Gabrielle
"Think Sweeps!" --Xena

"Can you believe that? He's implying some people might be tuning in to see you more than me!" --Xena
"Face the facts, Xena. I'm not an innocent country girl anymore. I have FANS!" --Gabrielle

"And then there was that series 'Gabrielle: Amazon Queen'!" --Gabrielle
"No, there wasn't." --Xena
"Yeah, well, there should be!" --Gabrielle

"Me, evil? No way!" --Gabrielle
"Hey, babe, let's talk!" --Ares

"Gabrielle, do you think your scrolls will ever be considered classic literature?" --Xena
"Not if they get lost in some stinking underground cave somewhere, they won't!" --Gabrielle

"Why can't I get a segment on Entertainment Tonight?" --Gabrielle, on her Ab-Builder 9000
"If you'd just binge and purge a little, they'd probably do a whole show on you." --Xena

"I heard Amazons remove a breast to help their archery skills." --Xena
"You think I'd become an Amazon if that were true?" --Gabrielle, checking just in case

"So, tell me what's bothering you." --Mattie
"I hate it when I realize I'm talking to myself." --Gabrielle
"Hey, that's my line!" --Renee

Overheard during Season 5:
"Knock, knock!" --Gabrielle
"Who's there?" --Xena
"I don't know--I lost my sense of humor!" --Gabrielle

"Xena, do you like my new maroon Mohawk hairstyle?" --Gabrielle
"OK, what kind of personality do you have now?" --Xena

"You're not going to spend the rest of Season One wearing that, are you?" --Xena
"Don't you think it makes me look sexy?" --Gabrielle, posing
"It makes me want to buy Girl Scout cookies from you." --Xena

"I miss seeing you use your staff, Gabrielle. You were so good at it." --Xena
"Just think of my sais as two little staffs, Xena. It works for me!" --Gabrielle

"Hey! Ares! I want a refund on this ticket to China you sold me!" --Gabrielle
"Sorry, all sales are final!" --Ares

"Xena, why is my skin all sunburned?" --Gabrielle
"You're not standing in my shadow any more, Gabrielle!" --Xena

"Gabrielle, it's time to say something entertaining." --Xena
"Xena, I can't compose under all this pressure!" --Gabrielle

"Sidekick THIS!" --Gabrielle (visual not shown due to violent content)

"Gabrielle, what are you so busy writing in your scroll? We haven't had many adventures since last season ended, being summer reruns and all." --Xena
"I just wrote the episodes before, Xena. Now I have to analyze them. Look for symbolism, greater meaning, subtext, that sort of thing." --Gabrielle

Scene 4 from the unaired episode "Sidekick...Queen...Slave Girl":
Menacing warlord bears down on the three Gabrielle look-alikes.
"Xena, help!" --Sidekick Gabrielle, bringing staff to the ready
"Guards, stop that man!" --Amazon Queen Gabrielle, standing imperiously
"Ptooee!" --Slave Gabrielle, spitting in warlord's drink

"So, Xena, did you see my new film 'Rubbernecking'?" --Gabrielle
"After reading the reviews, I decided to skip it." --Xena
"Why do you do that, Xena? You know, shoot me down when I'm doing my 'starring in outside roles' thing?" --Gabrielle

"A seventh season? Aren't we getting a bit old for this, Gabrielle?" --Xena
"Just gives me another year to perfect these abs!" --Gabrielle

"Gabrielle--an autobiography?" --Xena, sniffing suspiciously at a scroll
"So? I'm a bard--I write stuff." --Gabrielle
"But I thought you only wrote about me!" --Xena, looking slightly hurt

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GIRL TALK

"Look, Xena, I dyed my hair black!" --Gabrielle
"Gabrielle, I bleached my hair blond!" --Xena
"Isn't this an O Henry story?" --Gabrielle

"Wait...Gabrielle, where's my chakram?" --Xena
"When did you see it last, Xena?" --Gabrielle
(long silence)
"Darn it, Xena, that's the second one today!" --Gabrielle

"Xena, I keep having these dreams where I'm a Trojan princess named Deianeira." --Gabrielle
"Strange. I dream that I'm an Amazon lieutenant named Lysia." --Xena

"Lang mer yer tum reek." --Gabrielle
"Hold on, Gabrielle, I'll save you!" --Xena, looking puzzled

"Generic quote not intended to offend anyone." --Xena
"Politically correct amusing response." --Gabrielle

"Xena, what's your favorite movie of all time?" --Gabrielle
"You know I don't keep up on contemporary film, Gabrielle!" --Xena

"Does an Amazon queen beat a warrior princess?" --Queen Gabrielle
"Not when the princess' name appears first in the opening credits!" --Princess Xena

"Xena, what is this 'Christmas' everyone's talking about?" --Gabrielle
"Imagine the Solstice holiday, but with advertising." --Xena
"Ugggh!" --Gabrielle, shuddering visibly

"Joxer and chobos and croutons, oh my!" --Xena, moments before going ballistic
"By the gods, Xena, stop babbling. You're scaring me!" --Gabrielle

"I have many hairstyles." --Gabrielle
"This one works for me." --Xena

"Gabrielle, what's your favorite episode?" --Xena
"Any episode you're in is my favorite, Xena." --Gabrielle
"C'mon, nobody's listening. Tell me for real!" --Xena

"What's your least favorite episode, Gabrielle?" --Xena
"Any episode you're not in is my least favorite, Xena." --Gabrielle
"Give it a rest, Gab." --Xena

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THE GOD YOU KNOW

"Let's go, Gabrielle. Caligula's dead." --Xena
"No, I'm not!" --Caligula (from off screen)

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THE GREATER GOOD

"I have many skills." --Gabrielle, dressed as Xena
"Just 'cause you got on my clothes, don't be getting any ideas!" --Xena

"Xena, can I at least wear my own 'unmentionables'?" --Gabrielle, donning Xena’s armor

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THE HAUNTING OF AMPHIPOLIS

"Sho I'm shtinking drunk--hic--don't you want me, Virgil?" --Gabrielle, sliding down Virgil's body to the floor
"To tell the truth, the drool, red nose and bleary eyes are a bit of a turn off." --Virgil

"By the Gods! Gabrielle's drunk and passed out on my couch!" --Rick
"Zzzzzzzz-snork-zzzzzz." --Gabrielle
"Boy, a cold shower sure sounds good right now!" --Rick

"I must be in Hell." --Lucifer
"What makes you say that?" --Xena, shouting down into the portal
"They've cancelled 'Xena: Warrior Princess'." --Lucifer

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IDES OF MARCH

"They warned me about the Ides of March, but nobody mentioned senators armed with knives!" --Caesar, falling to the ground in a bloody heap

"Xena, how are we going to get out of this?" --Gabrielle, being hoisted up on a cross
"Trust the writers, Gabrielle. We've already inked our contracts for two more seasons!" --Xena

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INDIA

"Gabrielle, are we in 'Planet of the Apes'?" --Xena, confronting Hanuman
"I think it's the opening sequence to '2001: A Space Odyssey'." --Gabrielle

"Damn! Now we've got apeman hair all over Argo!" --Xena
"It must be shedding season. Hang on, I'll get the brush..." --Gabrielle

"Xena, what's that little scar on your forehead?" --Gabrielle
"One too many head butts!" --Xena

"Xena! You've injured your upper left arm again!" --Gabrielle
"Don't worry. That's just where the censors cut out the head-butt scene." --Xena

"Damn, took it on the upper left arm again!" --Xena
"How do they penetrate all that scar tissue?" --Gabrielle

"Tattoos?! Gabrielle, what were you thinking?" --Xena, eyes wide in amazement
"Relax, Xena! It's mehndi--it'll wear off!" --Yoga Karma Stupid Girl

"'Yoga Karma Stupid Girl', eh? Hold me back, Xena!!!" --Gabrielle
"Now, Gabrielle, I'm sure he meant it in a good way." --Xena

"By the gods, this mehndi has magical properties!" --Gabrielle, with glowing mehndi patterns
"We're on the fast track to Hades now, Gabrielle." --Xena, forming patterns with her hands

"Hey, Gabrielle! Will mehndi be good on this vanilla ice cream?" --Xena, one night after dinner

"If we complain enough about the Hindus, maybe they'll edit something of theirs in return." --Xena

Alternate ending to "The Way":
"I almost turned blue in 'Paradise Found'. Do you think I could've had Krishna-like powers, Xena?" --Gabrielle
"I don't think so. You were just turning blue because your bare tummy was against the cold floor." --Xena
"Why do you do that, Xena? You know, shoot me down when I'm doing my 'Krishna-like powers' thing?" --Gabrielle

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Go to Quotes Part 2


© 1999-2001 by Rick Hines.
Material may not be used without the artist's written permission.